We finally had date night.  I love going out to dinner and hanging out with my husband so I was motivated and ready to go.  My husband not so much.  His list of complaints and conversation topics went something like this:

• He was tired.
• It had been a long week.
• He hadn’t had the greatest week at work.

Not to sound too unsympathetic but, ditto.  So, we were sitting on the sofa of our favorite wine bar (Wellingtons) and he was a lump on a log.  He wasn’t saying much and when he did talk I could barely hear him because he just didn’t have the energy to talk above a whisper.

At one point I wished that I was sitting on my own sofa reading a magazine.  It was like a bad first date.  However, unlike a first date, when he was whispering on about something work-related I interrupted him and said:

You are bugging the sh*t out of me.

No joke.  I said that to my darling, wonderful husband as he was talking to me.  To know him is to realize how completely inappropriate that was.   As an unintended consequence, it did get him riled up enough to engage in (heated) conversation.  And, after we got through that, we actually had a nice time.  But, still not the date night I had imagined.

Is this what happens to date night when you’re both tired, stressed and married for over ten years?

It’s been typically mad at our house these days.  Which means that my husband and I see each other for fleeting moments here and there.  No joke, in the last 14 days, we’ve probably spent 8 hours together – either with or without kids.  I’m not counting when we’re asleep or when one of us is buried in the computer in the other room.  Do those hours count?  I’m going to say no since it’s impossible to have a conversation in either instance.

But, this coming weekend will be an embarrassment of riches…  We are sending our kids over to a friend’s house this coming weekend – and in exchange will have their kids over to our house the following weekend.  And we actually got a baby sitter on Saturday night!  Two nights in a row for uninterrupted conversation.   Date nights are always a highlight for me.  When I actually have time to spend with my husband, I’m surprised and delighted to find he’s a pretty amazing guy.  However, I’m not sure I know what we’re going to talk about on night two.  I might have to bring one of those conversation starter games.

My husband is already giving signals that at least one of the nights might not work.  He’s going to be working late and won’t make it up in time.  I’m not messing with the plan though.  It’s just too difficult to arrange sitters / nights free of kids.  I might just be able to make it a girls night out instead…

The family went on a quick vacation this past weekend.  We drove the 400 miles from the Bay Area down to Anaheim, hung out in Disneyland for a few days, and then road tripped back up the coast – stopping at Santa Barbara and Pismo Beach.

It was epic.  It was amazing.  It was so nice to just hang out with the kids and have absolutely no agenda.

Quick highlights:

• Autotopia and Buzz Lightyear at Disney.  My husband’s high score was 200,000 points at Buzz Lightyear.  He was overly proud.
• The hot tub at the Hotel Grand California.  The four of us hung out in it for a good long while.  We reeked of chlorine for days.  No matter.  Nothing like a hot tub after five hours at a theme park.
• Super-Rica Taqueria in Santa Barbara.  So good that even my vegetarian husband tried the bacon-laced beans.
• Caramel Chip Ice Cream in Pismo Beach.  It was hot and this ice cream hit the spot.

And a few more in-depth highlights:

My iPhone: How did we every live without these things?  We found everything from the PinkBerry in Santa Monica to the best route to our hotel to the best kid-friendly restaurants in Santa Barbara all on the iPhone.  We took pictures, made videos of the kids on the rides at Disney, and still kept up on emergency emails from work.  We needed to find a CVS in Santa Barbara at 9pm.  No problem.  Just type CVS in the mapping function and problem solved.

My mix tape: We needed music for our ride and I love cheesy pop music.  So, I decided to give the boys a taste of the songs of my youth and some current hits.  (I got the clean version of everything!  Tipper Gore would be so proud.)

Hammer Time, MC Hammer
Parents Just Don’t Understand, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
Tik Tok, Ke$ha
Single Ladies, Beyonce
Rappers Delight, The Sugarhill Gang
Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus
Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z
Nothing On You, B.o.B.
Just a Friend, Biz Markie
Say Hey, Michael Franti (our friend Oren played with him at a concert in SF!)

I liked it more than the kids.  My husband’s ears were bleeding.  It was still fun.  Made me start thinking about which songs my kids should be listening to…  Any ideas on the next roadtrip mix are much appreciated.

I made three critical and almost fatal errors the other day:

1.  I brought both boys with me when I went grocery shopping.  Obviously a huge error in judgement.

2.  I figured that my boys would be okay on the other side of the parking lot aisle from me. I was sick of trying to wrangle them through the store and didn’t have the energy to for one more fight.

3.  I thought that, just in case my four year old started acting erratically (which is what four year olds do) my six year old would somehow watch out for him.  Duh.

It all went down on Friday evening in the Trader Joes parking lot.  I don’t know who does store design for Trader Joes, but as part of the Trader Joes store blueprint, they must ensure the most horrifically snarled and over-crowded parking lots possible.  This particular Friday it wasn’t so bad and I let my guard down a little.   We were finally leaving and I was spent.  I had just wrestled the two boys through the store and barely escaped with my sanity.  The final straw was when they almost upended the cart while arguing who got to give the breakfast bars to the checker.  I needed a DRINK.

We headed to the parking lot and the boys wanted to play in the rocks on one side of the row.  I was parked in the same row, but on the other side.  I watched them head over and wheeled the cart to my car.  It was at this moment, when I looked around the parking lot and saw a HUGE white van throw on the white reverse lights that I suddenly realized I had made a gigantic mistake.  It was the classic kidnapper van and there it was slowly backing out into the aisle.

I looked across the row and saw my oldest.  He was fine and totally safe.  ”Hey,” I yelled.  ”Do you have your brother with you?”

“Huh?”

And then there he was.  My four year old had never made it down the sidewalk to my oldest.  He was at the end of the row and he was running right down the middle.  He’s 41″ tall.  You can’t see 41″ tall when you’re backing your car up.  The van was still backing up (all of this was happening very slowly) and now there was another car backing out even closer to him.

“STOP” I screamed.  ”STOP”

I was in all-out panic mode.  I was yelling as loud as I could.  I could see his face and he heard me.  But, he panicked.  Of course, his first instinct when scared is to run right toward me.  So now I’m screaming more hysterically and every other woman in the parking lot is also screaming at him.  The white van, being a product of my nightmares and apparently soundproofed, is not stopping.

A woman suddenly sprints and catches him.  She saves him.  Now I wonder why I wasn’t running toward him.  That would have been smart.

I thank her and she so kindly says “don’t worry.  I have kids too.”  It’s as if she knew exactly how I got myself in that ridiculously stupid situation and was happy to help.

I finally got everyone wrangled in the car.  In the process I kept saying to the kids “you scared me so much.  You can’t run in the parking lot.  From now on you MUST stay with me.”  My oldest was crying because he was scared.  I felt like an asshole.  I put them in this dangerous situation and it wasn’t their fault.  Its my responsibility to teach them the basic rules of parking lot safety.

As I was getting back in the car, some dude walks by and says “That was a close one.”  I wanted to tell him to F-off.  But, I said “I know” instead.  Maybe if he had been closer he would have been the one to save my kid.

I’m writing with some advice for all working moms that are going to send their kids to Kindergarten in August / September 2010:  Next summer you are going to need a plan.  And you’re probably going to need to start the plan right about February 15, 2011.  If you wait until May 3, it’s too late for you.  How do I know?  One word:  Oops!

There are two goals/questions that every mom of elementary school age kids has over the summer:

1)  Does the kid know how to swim / Can I get the kid access to a pool?

2)  What am I going to do to keep this kid entertained for the summer?

And for working moms, there’s one more:

3)  How can I figure out a way to get the drop-offs and pick-ups to coordinate with my work schedule?

Those three goals are tough to manage and there are a gazillion working moms with the exact same goals.  You’ve got to get on this EARLY.  I’m telling you now, based on personal experience, that May 3rd is to late to address those questions.  Although I hate to perpetuate the craziness that requires us all to wake up at midnight in order to register our kids for just the right soccer lesson (see prior post!), for summer, it’s necessary.  The stress will be just too much to bear if you don’t do this right.

So here’s my advice:

• Starting in February/March ask other moms in the area what they do with their kids in the summer and find the “pre-approved” camps and activities.
• Look at camp schedules.  Do they work for you?  Will you need to hire a summer-time babysitter to help you shuttle the kids to and fro?
• Find the swimming lessons that you can manage to get to over the weekend, or that start at 5:30/6:00.  They exist, but they are hard to find.  And they are in demand.
• Sign up for camp.  Sign up for swimming lessons.  Don’t wait or procrastinate.

The current situation at my house is as such:  The kids will be in camp, but please don’t let them near open water.  They do not know how to swim and won’t know how by the end of Summery 2010.

Good luck to you all.  Consider yourselves warned.

Maybe it was the birthday madness and the accompanying sadness when I realized that the boys will soon be in college (Yes, they are four and six.  Time flies.) but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about finding the joy in all of the small moments.

There are a few parts of the daily routine that I hope I never forget.  We do them religiously and they make me happy and feel very very lucky to be a mom.

Friday night movie night. Every Friday night, when we’re all totally exhausted from the week, we sit down in front of the TV and watch whatever movie the kids choose.  They take turns picking.  We alternate Fridays and its so important that I get it right, I’ve got it marked on the kitchen calendar.  Picking the movie is a huge privilege.  There are no veto rights.  If the kid picks The Incredibles for the 900th time, that’s what we’re watching.  I order pizza or make it myself (thanks to Trader Joes dough and pizza sauce) and we camp out and eat dinner in front of the TV.  Because of movie night I can snuggle with the boys and I can quote on command any dialogue from Pixar’s library of movies.  It’s a party trick that any parent of young kids can appreciate.

Piling Time. This started out as “hugging time.”  I wanted to have a big snuggle with the boys right after we finished reading books, right before the kids went to bed.  But, I have two boys and “hugging time” quickly turned into “crushing time” and has now become “piling time.”  It is what it sounds like – one big dog pile with my youngest on top.  He actually takes a running start and jumps on with a thud.  Thank goodness he’s less than 35 pounds.

Good Things. We do prayers every night (which is so very un-Bay Area of us).  As part of the process, we all talk about our “Good Things.”  I didn’t intend to channel Martha Stewart.  It was just an easy way to get the kids thinking about what they are thankful for in their lives.  Always good to show a little gratitude.  The good things they come up with range from “my family” to “Orange Bear” (favorite stuffed animal) to “bike rides” to “tattoos and motorcycles”  (birthday party favors) but it all works.  I love hearing what they have to say.

Fancy Breakfasts. Already documented and it still continues to delight.

Weekend Mornings in Bed. If it’s a weekend, you can expect to find all four of us hanging out in bed for at least a good thirty minutes.  It usually involves me talking and snuggling and playing with the boys while my husband somehow continues to sleep beside us.  How he does that, I’ll never know.  But, even with him comatose  beside us, with the sun streaming in and the kids all snuggled up with me, it’s the best possible way to start off a weekend.

Time does fly and I’ve already forgotten the “naked boy” song I used to sing when I would put the kids in the kitchen sink to bathe them. I can just remember that it made them giggle like crazy… I guess that’s enough.

I’ve been dancing close to the line of sanity lately and when I say close I mean I’m just one bus stop away from melt down city. How close do you ask? Well If you were to ask me how I’m doing say at preschool on your way into the classroom I’d likely tell you the truth and say  I’m “over stressed, over committed and one “issue” away from a full scale tantrum. Holding on to sanity with both hands, stay tuned this could be good.  That’s not what people expect to hear when they politely say Good Morning, how are you?

I’m screwing things up left and right and keep thinking it’s bad luck and have finally realized DUH it’s me!  And when I say screwing things up I mean lots of things!  Newsflash it’s not a fluke.

Chaos maker number one is my house, I’m convinced my house is conspiring against me with its never ending list of sh*t that keeps breaking.  I won’t bore you with the details as it would only make be look like a spoiled whiner but I will tell you one of the things that broke was the dishwasher and we all know that NO mother can live without the dishwasher.  I wasn’t willing to accept the fact that it was truly broken so to truly drive myself completely mad I scheduled not 1, not 2, but 3 costly service calls to save this expensive piece of machinery only to face the fact that it was truly broken, game over, get out your wallet, it’s time to buy a new one…which is going to of course involve research, a store visit, and yet ANOTHER maddening service call for the installation.  GAWD why do all these things come to a head during the busiest two weeks of your life?

On top of this I’ve been exhausted lately to the point of paranoia…do I have something seriously wrong with me?  Could I have (fill in the name of serious ailment here)?  It sounds funny but I’ve had myself convinced that something must be seriously wrong with me based on how often I’m totally losing the plot.  Little aches and pains and I’ve convinced myself I’m seriously ill. Does that seam reasonable to you?  And then I talk to other moms like I did at a professional breakfast on Monday and realize there is absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with me.  I’m just another exhausted working mother.  Oh thank god, it’s so reassuring.

Now my vacation has fallen through and the one thing that I was living for needs reinventing which is going to require leg work, lots of legwork.  ARGGGHHHHHHH.  I’m so delusional that I actually discussed with Amy my new plan to scrap the vacation use all 9-10 days to hire personal trainer and return myself to top form.  I know sounds silly now but when I was socializing this idea with Amy I actually believed it could work.  That alone should tell you something.

When I’m overwhelmed i become less patient and let’s just say I’m not patient to begin with so when I realized the other day that i had totally forgot about the mandatory Kindergarten Orientation that started at 8:45 and went to 10am  it threw my morning into a tail spin as I rallied my husband to get our son off to preschool so I could attend and “make a good showing” for our family.  My lack of patience came to a head during the Q & A period when one parent kept asking question upon question upon question.  Which was making me think two things.  I’m either a bad parent because I truly don’t care about any of these things (i.e how the books are filed in the library) or these people just are nuts.  Either way my impatience got the better of me and I just got up and left.  It was a gravitational pull that I could not fight.   The relief I felt when I got out of there and closer to the 9 hour day I had waiting for me at work that I was going to have to somehow cram into 7 was palpable.

So as Thursday approaches I know Friday is right behind it and with that the chance to check the work week off my list and sail into the weekend with the opportunity to rest, rejuvenate, OH and go to like 3 kids birthday parties.

I’d love to know I’m not alone so if anyone wants to share there crazy eyes moments we’d love to hear them here if for no other reason than to know we are not alone.

Leigh

There were about 60 people at my kid’s birthday party on Saturday (co-hosted, thank God) and then 16 6-year-olds at my other kids’ birthday party on Sunday (also co-hosted, yeah!).  I’m too tired for a full post, but let me just tell you the secrets to success:

Birthdaydirect.com – Leigh clued me in.  All the fixings for a “soccer party” at your doorstep in three days.  At a fairly reasonable price.  Love it!

Amazon.com – Favors sent to you within days.  Lego men for one party and inflatable four-square balls for the other.  I don’t have time to collect random crap and put it in a bag.  Once nice gift per kid.  Same price, less effort.

Beer – seriously, two birthday parties in two days and a woman needs a beer.  Everyone needs to have fun – even the parents.

I’m still tired.  I might recover by the end of next weekend.  Thank you notes are not happening for a while, if ever (That makes me ungracious and my children heathens.  Get over it.  I’ll do it eventually.)

Was it easy to throw two birthday parties in two days?  No.  Was it necessary?  Yes.  There’s a big difference between pre-school and Kindergarten.  And they both felt like they had their big day.

P.S. Did I mention that Saturday was my birthday too?  Husband made me dinner and a coconut cake (which was super-yummy)

Now I’m going to LIE DOWN.

My husband and the kids are coming home late tonight.  They went on a road trip for the day with my husbands’ parents.  Which means that I officially have 120 minutes to myself.  Seriously, could there be no greater pleasure?

It’s been crazy at work, crazy at home, crazy with the book and I am in the middle of what my friend calls a PERSONAL TSUNAMI.  My head has become mush.  So tonight, I got some take-out, poured a glass of wine, and camped in front of the TV to watch some quality television – American Idol and Glee.  I taped them the night before and it was heaven.  Heaven.

I thought I’d put together my list of guilty pleasure TV.  Going to the spa for a weekend is an impossible dream – who has the time or money to do that?  Practically anyone can watch one of the following shows:

American Idol – I know that it’s a season past it’s prime and even the judges look bored, but I love it.  I also love fast-forwarding through anything Ryan Seacrest has to say.  Or through any of those dorky personal stories they tell just prior to the actual singing.

Glee – I love this show almost more than I love candy – and that’s saying something.  One of the guys at work gave me the cds of the songs from last season and I listen to it constantly.  Yes, I know that it makes me a dork that I think the Glee version of Gold Digger is better than Kanye’s version.   I had to stop the show today because I was laughing too hard at Sue to hear the dialogue (while sitting by myself in my empty house).

Rachel Zoe Project – I love the drama around the clothes.  I love that everyone’s freaking out about finding the right pair of shoes.  I love that everyone in it is gorgeous and well dressed and taking themselves so incredibly seriously.  It’s fabulous and I’ve been missing it.  I can’t wait for new episodes to show up on my DVR.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart – besides NPR and TMZ this is my only source of news and information.  That makes for one tweaked perspective on the world but those that know me also that I don’t like to think too much.  For me, it’s the  perfect combination.

30 Rock – I heart Tina Fey (you know, she’s a working mom too) and this show has just the perfect amount of dorky and smart humor.  I feel like I went to business school with Alec Baldwin’s character and every time he speaks I giggle.

I’ve stopped watching America’s Next Top Model just because they stopped actually trying to find the next top model.  I’ve also stopped watching Millionaire Matchmaker because the millionaire’s and the girls/boys they date started to get annoying.  But, my husband is still addicted so every once in a while I’ll catch an episode.  Project Runway has somehow fallen off the DVR, but I did love that show – before they went to LA.  Somehow it lost it’s luster and I’m not sure why.

I’m always on the hunt for a good addition to the DVR – but it’s got to be a show that I can pick-up midway (I will never be into Lost, Mad Men or anything like that) and it’s got to be funny (no Grey’s Anatomy, CSI, NCIS, SVU or any of that) and it can’t make me think (no History Channel, no powerful documentaries, and no sad stories!).  I am too busy to think.  Trashy TV is a way to turn off the brain.  And it feels so good when the brain turns off.

But, it’s hard to find good trashy TV.  Any suggestions?

April is shaping up to be a crazy, crazy month.  Sure there’s Easter and Spring Break and taxes and all of that, but we seem to have piled it on in April.  We’ve got birthdays, book launches and book events to add to the chaos.  And work is…insane too!

I’ve been an insomniac as of late given all of the craziness.  But the thing that’s been stressing me out the most is the birthday situation.  My sons’ birthdays are on consecutive days (tax day, and the day after).  They are one day shy of being EXACTLY two years apart.  In past years I’ve done a joint party as they were going to the same school so it was easy – I just invited all of the kids that had siblings in both grades.  Everyone knew each other and got along and it was simple.  This year, the kids go to two different schools, so it’s creating some issues.   We need two parties.  On a single weekend.

I tried convincing my kids that a playdate or a baseball game was just as good, but they were having none of it.

Fortunately, each boy is doubling up with a very good friend from their respective schools.  My boys are thrilled to share their birthdays with a buddy.  And I’m thrilled too.  Splitting a birthday party is such a stress reducer and highly recommended to working moms everywhere.  If you can find a friend for your kids that have a birthday in the same general timeframe (I’d go within six weeks in order to expand your options) you moms can do each other a huge favor.

In both instances for my boys the other moms were equally stressed about birthdays (or I think they were).  What to do, when to have it, who to invite, etc.  I may be speaking for myself when I say that sharing the misery, ur, I mean the responsibility has been a huge help.  You can divide it anyway you want – one does logistics, the other does food – or however you want to split it up.  But splitting it up has saved me.  THANK YOU OTHER MOMS!

In both cases, I’m coordinating location and entertainment.  Wise decision since I can’t cook and only one burner works on the stove and the oven is clearly at least 50 degrees off.  We’ve already discussed in this blog what I consider a good dinner, so I think it’s working in everyone’s favor.   And in a clear sign that I shouldn’t be doing the invites I’ve accidentally invited all of these people to my son’s birthday party instead of the book event.  That was embarrassing.  Sorry about that Sweet Peas and Stilettos!

My husband’s birthday was this week, within ten days of the boys’ birthdays.  And my birthday just happens to be day after my oldest son’s. That’s right – three in a row. Within 12 days all four of us have celebrated a birthday.   By the time my birthday rolls around, we’re just so over all of it.  Cake, presents, singing, whatever.  We’re done.

Yes, there are four birthdays in 12 days.  The husband’s is done, and fairly okay for a non-milestone birthday.  Mine will be ignored (except by my friends), and the kids each get their own birthday.  I’m feeling good about the plan and thanks to the shared burden, not as stressed.